I know, I know, I know
Oh, how I know.
My last post was in September, explaining my long absence, trying to convince you as well as myself that I still wanted to do this. That my heart was still completely in it. That I was working on it.
And I was working on it, truly; I took a photo later that week and had started on the review. Then work got in the way – and then nothing else mattered. Work always became my number 1 priority (photography wise that is) and I couldn't as well as wouldn't make time for the rest. Once I did my work, I turned off the computer, no more room for anything else.
My heart wasn't truly in it. In my personal photography. Not then. I don't like admitting it, but there you have it. I feared back then I might actually had stopped caring altogether. But no, that wasn't quite the case just yet.
I appreciate my work, I'm glad I get to do it. I'm grateful, forever, to everyone who's had faith in me and my capabilities as a photographer to document their smiling faces and their important moments. It's awesome that I get. to. do. that. I will always love doing what I do.
But there is MORE to me than this. Damn it, I miss the passion I used to have for my own projects. MY moments, MY people, MY home, MY places, MY memories, MY thoughts. For me photography has always been an outlet. When I couldn't find the words, I'd find the imagery. (Another reason why Reading & Reviewing is so deeply personal to me – the format is my way of truly expressing my views.)
The past few years, as my photography became more about work and less about artistic expression, I've felt lost and confused, and always searching for something. I stopped knowing what I wanted. And I stopped knowing myself. I stopped seeing. I feel like I've shut myself off. I was hibernating, and now I'm slowly waking up. And I want to do things but I don't know where to start. But you just have to take the plunge and start somewhere, anywhere, just as long as you START.
So I made the decision over the week to start here.
But I need to be clear. I am done with making promises. I'm done with trying to make this blog anything other than what I need it to be, which is a place to organize my reviews and my sporadic-other-book-related thoughts. You won't find daily posts here, or giveaways, or product recommendations (even though my inbox is flooded with marketing emails trying to get me to recommend you sunglasses). My reviews will be honest as always, which I imagine is all you want from a hobbyist book reviewer anyway. Just honest reviews, no fuss.
I don't want to alienate my readership – whoever is still left after months of radio silence after more months of radio silence – but I don't want or intend to be something I'm not. I'm not a daily poster. I'm not here to try and have more views and clicks. I won't social network everyone to death: I'm quite bad at keeping up with Twitter and Facebook pages and – obviously – blogs.
I'm not a blogger as they are defined today: someone who makes this their job and their priority. This instead is something I will try to do to the best of my abilities when I have the time and the energy. Because I know, from writing this, that I definitely still have the passion and the words.
I just need to have a little more belief in myself, and know that I can still do something that I can be proud of. I need to forgive myself for abandoning a project I've always claimed to love more than anything else I've ever done.
I'll try. And this time, I'll try for none other than myself.